ColemanMedia Report

Only days after talk show host and media mogul Oprah Winfrey announced that she would be ending her syndicated talk show The Oprah Winfrey Show sometime in 2011, the Center for Media Studies released a statement predicting that the world as we know it will end approximately 72 hours after the last broadcast on CBS.  ”For 25 years, Oprah has been telling people what to read, what to buy and what to think,” said lead researcher Jahn Von Schmickelberg.  ”Without that guidance, most moms won’t know what to do or what to buy.  And with women controlling 85% of all brand purchases, markets will collapse, the economy will dissolve, and all we’ll be left with is Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd on The View.  It frightens me to even talk about it.”  Only one week after the announcement, sales of gas masks, bottled water, Twinkies, and James Frey novels skyrocketed.