ColemanMedia Report

Western Regional Sales Director Tricia McNeedy of Adnoyance left a voice message and a follow up email at approximately 11:52 a.m. Tuesday morning, checking in to make sure you had read and received the introduction email she sent approximately 28 minutes prior.  The follow-up email, which contained a forwarded copy of the original email, reminds you of her original request to set up an in-person meeting either tomorrow or Thursday and expressed concern that you have not yet replied to her original email.  According to McNeedy, it’s important that this meeting take place in the very near future, so that she may learn about your client’s goals and objectives and so you can take advantage of some exceptional pricing discounts that won’t last long. McNeedy reportedly understands your busy schedule, and promises to only take 30-40 minutes of your time.  And if you have any further questions, she is more than willing to schedule a follow-up meeting, especially next Tuesday, when her VP of Sales is in town.

The Center for Disease Control reported late Tuesday that the number of cases of ad rep overdose has skyrocketed this month, putting health and government officials on high alert and preparing for a potential pandemic in the online advertising industry.  According to the CDC, emergency room visits for media planners shot up 225% over July and 719% over August 2008.  ”This is an alarming trend nationwide,” said LA-USC County Hospital spokesperson Hal Hogenwinkle.  ”But locally it’s reached epidemic status.  We’ve seen media planners and buyers being admitted who have been exposed to nearly fatal levels of sales calls and emails.  Many of them can barely speak, save to scream ‘for the love of God, make it stop!’”  Officials with the CDC could not confirm the cause for the epidemic, but pointed to a 600,000% increase in sales calls and emails over the last three weeks as the probable culprit.

Western Regional Sales Director Steven C. Lackey posted an ad on Craig’s List early Tuesday hoping to connect with Senior Planning Director Marty Swinefelder, who had inadvertently missed his cold sales call earlier that day. The ad, posted in the “Missed Connections” section at 2:43 p.m. local time, describes Swinefelder as “a brilliant ad veteran to whom fate dealt a crushing blow by causing you to be away from your desk,” and described himself as “the super sales savior who will make you the hero of your team.” The ad insisted that Lackey only needs “20 minutes of your time to show you this relationship can deliver more than you ever dreamed of” and that he would ” really appreciate it if you could find time in your schedule later today or tomorrow.” ED NOTE: Senior Caption Editor Travis Volk broke this story while searching for a “roommate” on Craig’s List Tuesday night.