ColemanMedia Report

The Center for Parental Deflection of Responsibility announced a recall of nearly 30 million babies and toddlers early Tuesday after a study released earlier in the week revealed that the babies posed a serious risk of injury to themselves.  The recall, which comes on the heels of a massive recall of Roman-style shades and blinds, affects 29.8 million children under 36 months of age born between 2002 and 2009.  According to the report, the babies’ defects make them prone to injuries, boo-boos and owwies if left unattended by their parents for more than 36 minutes, and have caused their parents to miss over 67 million hours of primetime TV and “mommy-daddy alone time.”  ”We spent years blaming every product in the household for injuries to children,” said Karen Litigowitz, president of the CPDR.  ”Until we finally figured out it was the children’s fault all along.  As for the parents, they can’t possibly be held responsible for the well-being of their own children.  Micheal Bradley Litigowitz!!!  Stop hitting your sister with that hammer or no Dexter for you tonight!!  Sorry, what was I saying?”