ColemanMedia Report

Senior Online Media Planner Jed Blakely launched what many industry insiders are calling the first RFP rejection hotline early Monday after receiving nearly 67 proposals for a local online branding campaign for Joe’s Pizza, a local Manhattan pizza chain.  The hotline, which according to Blakely was inspired by a phone number given to him by a young woman from Hackensack Saturday evening, delivers several pre-recorded messages that inform sales reps why their proposal(s) did not make the media plan.  ”I can’t possibly be expected to actually give feedback to people who didn’t make the plan,” said Blakely.  ”So this is my way of at least getting back to them.  I just email them the number disguised as a conference call-in number, and let the recordings to the rest.  That way I have time to manage my fantasy football team.”  Messages on the recording site “it’s not you, it’s me” and “your site’s just not my client’s type” as reasons for not making a plan.

Jenny Williams of Exageraclick.com delivered the 16,000th cupcake to the San Francisco office of Publicist & Hal Whiney in less than one week late Tuesday, according to Tiffany, the receptionist at the front desk.  The twelve cupcakes, neatly wrapped in light purple box from Sweetiecups, were destined for the desk of Joan Radcliffe, who sent out an RFP for the Huggies account last Thursday.  According to Radcliffe, she sent out the RFP to approximately 16 publishers and has received 24 proposals, 4 bottles of wine, and exactly 16,008 cupcakes to date.  ”I’m only halfway through the proposals,” said Radcliffe, “and I think I’ve already gained like 6 pounds.  I mean, I like red velvet as much as the next person, but this is getting a little ridiculous.  Can’t someone send an assistant over?  I mean, what the hell am I gonna do with 27 boxes of Sprinkles cupcakes?  Besides, I’ve always been a Kara’s Cupcakes girl.”

A study released late last week by the John J. Apathee Center for Excuses and Laziness revealed that project and campaign accountability within the advertising industry could be reduced by 37.4% – and the chance of getting fired reduced by up to 72.9% – simply by blaming one or more other parties involved in the process or project.  ”The results of this study are potentially game changing,” said lead researcher Alfred P. Nowittal.  ”Agencies can reduce their accountability 42.5% by blaming their clients for bad campaign briefs, media companies see a 28.5% reduction by blaming the agencies for RFP’s that lack detail, and marketers drop 47.3% by blaming their agencies for overburdening cost structures.  Media directors can blame ineffective creative, and creative directors can blame the media mix for dwindling audiences and framentation.”  The study found that once a full circle of blame is completed, accountability for the entire advertising industry could be redirected entirely to Joan in HR.

A request for proposal reportedly sent to ten Web publishers Monday afternoon unexpectedly received 273 replies to the email inbox of junior media planner Lane Meyer earlier today, according to several sources within the Los Angeles office of Krispy, Portly, & Bogus. The unanticipated responses were reportedly issued after one of the original recipients forwarded the RFP document to his buddy Sal at the ExpandoClick network. “What the hell, man?” said Meyer, looking over response #142 from TheKitchenSink.com. “I narrowed down my RFP list for a reason. I don’t need every idiot sending me a plan. I mean this campaign targets Moms with 2 or more kids in the household. What the hell do I need a 52-page proposal from Maxim for? And how the hell did all these people get my RFP!?” At the time of printing, Meyer reported that 43 sales reps had already followed up to see if they made the plan, and if not, how far they needed to come down on CPM’s to get the business.