ColemanMedia Report

Junior Media Planner Jesse Atwater has grown increasingly annoyed with the now common use of the term “new normal,” according to several co-workers at the Chicago office of Foote, Cone, & Mr. Belding. The term, often used to describe potentially permanent changes in behavior due to recent economic conditions, reportedly exasperates Atwater “to the bone.” “If I hear someone say that social couponing or flat budgets are the ‘new normal’ again, I’m gonna lose it,” said Atwater. “Yes, I know people – and clients – are keeping more of a watchful eye over their finances, but for the love of God, please stop calling it the ‘new normal.’ People change. It’s this thing called life. And we had just gotten over everyone saying that something is the ‘new black.’ Why do we have to replace it with something that’s 10 times more annoying and pretentious?”

Officials with the Cook County Fire Department confirmed that the search for junior media planner Jonah Mecklenberg began shortly after 10:30 a.m. Tuesday morning after the 25-year-old man was reported missing during a “deep dive” into campaign performance data.  According to several witnesses at the River North office of Boo, Yahka, & Shaw, Mecklenberg was last seen at around 9:30 a.m. speaking with Rick Buzzworthy, his direct supervisor, who reportedly asked the young man to “deep dive” into the data to get “to the bottom” of the correct performance attribution metrics.  ”We are very concerned for Mr. Mecklenberg,” said CCFD spokesman Karl Bievlowski.  ”Apparently Mecklenberg started at a ‘high level,’ trying to take in a ’10,000-foot view.’  Whenever someone starts up that high in the Bullshit Bingo scale, and falls all the way into a ‘deep dive,’ they place themselves at serious risk.  But we hope to have him back shortly so he can ‘circle back’ and ‘onboard’ the rest of the team.”