ColemanMedia Report

A small, public funeral service for Advertising As We Know It was held Tuesday morning at the Evergreens Cemetery in Brooklyn, NY, just five days after it was officially declared dead by SocialLiscious VP of Sales Glenn Schtick at the Digital Social Maven Conference last Friday.  The service, which was attended by 120 friends, family members, and advertising interns, was described as a small, quiet, and somewhat confusing affair.  Many in attendance were still in shock that Advertising As We Know It had finally died.  ”People have been saying that Advertising As We Know It is dead for years,” said junior media planner Seth Epstein.  ”I always assumed it was just pompous ad execs trying to sound smarter than they really were.  But I guess now every time some guy in jeans and a black blazer gets up on a conference stage and makes an edgy blanket statement, we have to assume it’s true.”

A report issued early Tuesday by online media measurement firm comScore revealed that 2,572 separate video networks tied for the coveted top spot for December 2009, according to comScore’s new Digital Advertising Return To Basics On Average Relevant Dealio (darTBoarD) measurement standard.  The new standard, which takes into account audience size, video completion rate, and sales PowerPoint slides, ranked all 2,572 video networks as #1 with your desired key demographic.  ”These results are solid,” said David Bates, Director of Research and Other Useless Stats at comScore.  ”Not only do they show that each network is indeed #1, but they clearly demonstrate that pretty much anything you want to purport as fact is true so long as you have enough screenshots.”  A planner at Epicenter Media, who declined to be identified for fear of losing her spa privileges, responded ambivalently to the report by asking: “What’s a comScore?”