ColemanMedia Report

Sources with close ties to both companies reported Tuesday afternoon that popular social network and rising Imperial power Facebook loaned moribund content portal AOL $10 a few minutes before lunchtime earlier that day. According to the sources, who asked to remain unnamed, the $10 was promptly spent on a chicken burrito bowl with guacamole and corn salsa and a medium drink at a nearby Chipotle. The transaction has online media gossip mavens chomping at the bits. “Clearly this is Facebook’s first real foray into the content aggregation business,” said Kara Shushit of the confoundingly popular online column All Things Presumed. “Just look at it: AOL has all this content that no one sees, and Facebook has all these people that never actually see each other in person. It’s a match made in heaven.” Officials with AOL could not be reached for comment as their phones were down, but a spokesman for Facebook said, “AOL didn’t have any cash and left its ATM card at home, so we loaned it some lunch money. I really don’t see what the big deal is here.”

News Corp. owner and unnaturally creepy old man Rupert Murdoch’s much-ballyhooed plan to put most of his media empire’s online content behind pay walls was dealt a significant setback early Sunday morning when reports of multiple complaints of loud music coming from behind the walls surfaced in local Manhattan media outlets.  Officials with NYPD’s 10th Precinct confirmed that several complaints of “loud music, strange voices, and god-awful racket” were filed between 11:00 p.m. Saturday evening and 4:00 a.m. Sunday morning.  The news has many critics of the pay wall model newly energized.  ”At first we thought the pay wall system wouldn’t work because people wouldn’t be willing to pay for what used to be free content,” said media analyst Louie Schafer.  ”But now it appears that the walls are simply too thin to contain the noise of all the rich people enjoying their premium content while the working class try to get some shut eye so they can catch the 6:45 train.  Ain’t living in the crowded media space a bitch?”