ColemanMedia Report

An email sent to Junior Media Planner Julia Levinworth Tuesday morning by Western Region Sales Director Saul Silver, expressing wishes that the email would “find [her] well,” actually found Levinworth doing well, according to eyewitnesses at the scene. The 26-year-old planner was reportedly in very good spirits around the time server logs indicate that she opened the message. “It was kind of weird,” said Levinworth. “Usually, lines like that in a sales email tend to make me roll my eyes, because I know it’s there just to butter you up for the sales pitch. But for some reason I was in a really great mood on Tuesday. I don’t know, maybe there was something in the coffee or something. I have no clue what he was trying to sell, but it was very sweet of him to wish me well. I almost felt bad deleting it instead of taking the time to reply.”

A study released late last week by the Center for Population Growth in Advertising revealed that as a group, online ad sales representatives now represent the 4th largest country in the world, surpassed only by China, India, and ubiquitous social network Facebook. According to the study, online ad sales representatives, who have achieved explosive growth over the last 12 months, now outnumber the total population of the United States, Canada, and Portugal combined. “The numbers are unprecedented,” said lead researcher Petros Pythagorean. “By our best estimates, there are over 522 million ad sales reps currently calling on media buyers in the US, generating just over 7 billion calls and emails to agencies every week. Compare that to just 12 months ago, when there were only 1,400.” What’s behind the sudden growth? “We credit recent news about a potential recovery of the advertising industry,” said Pythagorean. “Oh, that and the 600,000 new mobile and social media companies that have been founded in the last 12 weeks.”

Twenty-six year-old tattoo artist Ramon Ramirez was injured by a “laser-targeted” display ad late Monday evening while surfing the “kind of played out but still useful” music video site Pitchfork.com.  The ad, served by behavioral targeting network ExactoClick, reportedly shot actual laser beams from the Duarte resident’s computer screen, burning the skin on his neck and causing damage to his heather gray cardigan.  The news took media planners from the agency responsible for the media buy by surprise.  “When our rep from ExactoClick said they used ‘laser targeting,’ we thought it was just a really cheesy name for behavioral targeting” said Sarah Shag, a planner on the team.  “We had no idea they would shoot actual lasers and cause harm to people.  Honestly, we were just trying to target users who had searched for Indie music and high fashion sneakers.  We had no idea cookieing people could be this dangerous.”

An underperforming online media plan for Visa was successfully optimized late last week at the Chicago office of TWBA/Chiat/Day by using only “magic” soccer spray, according to several witnesses at the scene.  The plan, which had been under-delivering by 22%, and experiencing less than stellar click through rates, immediately recovered from a seemingly innocuous injury after being exposed to a short burst of the spray.  ”I’m still in shock,” said junior media planner Jared Wainsbridge. “We had tried everything: introducing new sites, renegotiating rates, and nothing.  Then Raoul from programming whips this out of his gym bag and suddenly everything’s up and running.  Ten minutes ago I would have called bullshit, but now I’m a believer.  I don’t know what’s in that stuff, but I’m spraying a little on next time we hit up O’Shea’s for Happy Hour.”  Ed. Note: Senor South American Soccer Correspondent Travis Volk contributed to this story.

Western Regional Sales Director Steven Jennings received a written response Tuesday morning to an email and two voicemails left with then junior media planner Ryan Sexton in March of 2003, according to server logs at Clickety Click Networks.  The response, sent seven years after the original correspondence began, denied Jennings’ request for a meeting to discuss Sexton’s client’s goals and objectives, but thanked him for reaching out.  Still, Jennings remains optimistic.  ”Oh this is definitely a foot in the door,” said Jennings.  ”Media planners never return calls, and when they do, it’s usually a canned response, clearly demonstrating they didn’t even read your email.  It may have taken him seven years, but Ryan actually took the time to tell me he was too busy to meet.  If that’s not a hot lead, I don’t know what is.  I’m gonna have to drop by his office with a Starbucks card or something.”

Reports that Display Advertising may on the rebound after nearly three consecutive quarters of decline were verified Friday evening when local HR manager Kelsey Kleinberg spotted the once popular online ad format hitting on her friend Janice Kieslowski at Timmy O’ Toole’s Pub in downtown Chicago.  The rebound was first noted earlier this month by comScore, who reported that Display Advertising impressions sold were back up to 1.1 trillion, the first significant increase in nearly a year.  But recent incidents have some worried.  ”Just because Display is on a rebound,” said comScore founder Gian Fulgoni, “doesn’t mean it has to get into bed with the first opportunity that presents itself.  I mean, it went through some pretty abusive relationships with LowerMyBills and those awful ‘Punch the Monkey’ ads.  I really hope it doesn’t slip into its old habits again.  I mean, let’s be honest, Janice isn’t really that good looking.”

Midwest Director of Sales Marty Shiftbody of AdNausea didn’t mean to step on anybody’s toes by contacting the client directly, according to a voice message left with Junior Media Planner Jody McAckerby late Tuesday morning.  Shiftbody left the voicemail 37 seconds after the client responded to his meeting request via email – copying McAckerby – and approximately 32 minutes after first reaching out to McAckerby via email, according to server logs at the Chicago office of the Phelps Agency.  ”Is this guy serious?” asked McAckerby.  ”He emails me a half hour ago while I’m in a meeting, and he’s already complaining to the client that our agency is ‘unresponsive’ and doing them a ‘disservice by not accepting his meeting requests?’  Uh, news flash, dude.  Your passive aggressive sales schtick is right there in the forwarded email.  Now it’s my turn.  Delete.”

ExasperClick Network Director of Sales Sal Bugotini works with Joey Bonaducci, and wants to schedule a time to come in and discuss how he can get some business going with you and your agency’s clients, according to a message left in your voice mail inbox early Monday morning.  According to Bugotini, Bonaducci is a “longtime pal” and has “nothing but good things to say about you,” which reportedly makes Bugotini certain that he will work very well with you.  Multiple queries to your email, contact database, and personal memory show no record of contact or evidence of existence of Joseph Bonaducci, Sal Bugotini, or ExasperClick Network, despite the unusually friendly tone of the message.  Bugotini followed up with an email suggesting that you join him and Bonaducci later this week for some cocktails to “catch up and discuss some business.”

HardSell Media Western Regional Sales Manager Charles Lamonica wants to kick things with your client into high gear, according to a voice mail and follow-up email sent Tuesday morning to Junior Account Coordinator Jordan Ringley.  Lamonica reportedly wants to “jump-start” the new year and the new quarter by “diving in headfirst” to some “6-figure-minumum” ad buys on his behaviorally targeted network.  According to the messages, sent within 16 minutes of each other, Lamonica feels strongly that if you test big, he’ll be able to deliver big.  ”Look,” said Lamonica in his phone message, “I’m through with these little tests.  Let’s turn things up and start spending some real dough.  The volume’s only at 3 kid, but this dial goes to eleven, you know what I mean?”  ”Did he really just make a Spinal Tap reference?” said Ringley.  ”I’m 24, I wasn’t even born when that movie came out.  Who buys into this crap anyway?”

The regular agency-client meeting schedule for the Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches team was “totally Conan O’Briened” late Monday when the client moved the weekly campaign report call from 10:00 a.m. on Tuesdays to 4:30 p.m. on Fridays, according to several witnesses at the Raleigh, NC office of the Stone Agency.  The weekly calls, scheduled to review online campaign performance and TV GRP results, was reportedly moved to achieve “efficiencies” in the client’s meeting program.  ”This is total bullshit,” said Will O’Callahan, a junior planner at the Stone Agency.  ”The Tuesday slot was perfect.  It’s after the Monday rush, so everyone’s caught up on emails, and they actually look at the numbers.  No one gives a shit on Fridays.  It’ll be like we’re talking to a dead line.  The client will already be checked out, cleaning his clubs for his Saturday tee time.”