ColemanMedia Report

Less than three weeks after Apple’s highly-anticipated announcement of its iPad tablet e-reader, Apple fan tracking service MacAddicts revealed that nearly 6 out of 7 self-professed Apple fans have been diagnosed with suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms over the lack of recent Apple-related news.  According to MacAddicts, only 7,239,922 online articles, unconfirmed rumors and blog posts have been published about new Macintosh products over the past 10 days.  The withdrawal symptoms, which range from minor headaches to crippling seizure of their wireless Magic Mice, have reportedly quadrupled over the last 3 days as the non-news begins to pile up.  ”This is the longest we’ve gone without some sort of announcement or rumor,” said Mac fan and withdrawal sufferer Mick Davies.  ”Usually we would already be talking about the next generation iPhone, or arguing over what brand of black turtle neck Steve Jobs is wearing, but it’s been nothing but silence.  Terrible, unbearable silence.  Where’s my rumor of a 1TB video-enabled Nano, or 3D Apple TV?  I have nothing to talk about with my friends!”

Officials with the San Diego Center for Disease Control confirmed early Friday that a pandemic-level outbreak of Nerd Flu occurred in and around the San Diego Convention Center last week, potentially affecting thousands of victims.  Officials positively diagnosed over 542 known cases inside the annual Comic-Con International event, but fear that many more cases may go unreported.  The R2D2 strain is considered by many health officials to be far more dangerous than the H1N1 virus, as it can be easily and quickly transmitted via Facebook, Twitter, or SMS messages.  ”It’s especially communicable with jailbreaked iPhones using Skype or some other free service,” said SDCDC president Lars Van Winkle.  ”It’s important that people recognize the symptoms of Nerd Flu so that it can be treated in the early stages.  If you find yourself becoming overly giddy over Tron footage or a near-mint copy of Sandworms of Dune, you should immediately get yourself to the nearest Sports Bar.”  ED. NOTE: Senior Manga Field Reporter Greg Sher contributed to this report.