ColemanMedia Report

A report released late Monday by the Center for Media Prognostication predicts that as early as 2014, the common toothbrush could be the second or third-largest new media channel in the United States.  Citing the exponential acceptance of mobile advertising by marketers, and the proliferation of manual and electronic toothbrushes, senior media analyst Fred D. Loosienelle predicts that “it’s only a matter of time” before toothbrushes become the coveted “5th Screen,” outpacing radio and print ads.  ”I mean think about it,” said Loosienelle.  ”Everybody has one.  Most people are medium to heavy users, spending 3-10 minutes each day with the device.  People take them with them when they travel.  They’ve become an essential part of people’s lives.  It doesn’t make sense not to serve advertising on them.  Kindles?  Pssssh!  iPads?  Yeah right.  Toothbrushes are going to be the next big thing, you watch.”  Ed. Note: Senior Hygiene Correspondent Mike Ranshaw contributed to this article.

The Carnegie Center for Needless Prognostication announced early last week that due to pressures from the sluggish economy, the advertising think tank has reduced its annual Top 10 Trends To Look For In 2010 List to six.  According to officials with the Center, the decision to cut back on its predictions for the coming year was due partly to the predictably slow recovery of the broader economy, and partly due to general apathy.  ”As uncertain as a long-term economic recovery is,” noted Chief Presage Officer Jurgen Schiffenbacher, “It just didn’t make sense to go with a Top 10 list this year.  Everybody’s still cutting back, and our industry is no exception.  On the plus side, we can only be wrong about six things this year.  So we got that going for us.”  Reaction to news reverberated throughout the ad industry.  ”Thank God,” said media buyer Richard Newhouse.  ”That means I’ll waste 40% less time skimming through yet another worthless list of complete and utter guesswork.”

“Pirate” Joe, the homeless man often seen hanging outside the Chicago offices of Foot, Cone and Mr. Belding, revised his ad spend outlook down for the remainder of 2009 Monday afternoon, citing “downward economic pressures on budgets for online branding initiatives, especially in emerging and largely unproven segments like mobile and digital WOM.” Joe, widely respected as the most accurate barometer of the online advertising industry, still calls for growth in the sector, but predicts that growth will slow due to a longer recovery cycle of the macro economy. “We take Joe’s word as the truth,” said Kevin Longstocking, Executive VP of Media for FCB. “Sure, he’s usually drunk before 10:00 a.m., but he’s far more accurate than most of these holding companies and self-prescribed ‘experts’ with Mediapost who only release spending projections to secure their next consulting gig. Plus, you should hear his joke about the nun and the horse whisperer. Hilarious!”