ColemanMedia Report

A report issued Monday by the Center for Gratuitous Mergers & Acquisitions revealed that Internet and search giant Google went nearly 8 hours late last week without acquiring another company, surprising nearly every cognizant human being, including many within the company.  According the report, Google did not purchase another company for 7 hours and 54 minutes after announcing the May 20th acquisition of music syncing service Simplify Media, a new record for the company.  ”This is certainly eye-opening,” said lead researcher Jurgen von Schniedgelfen. “Google’s appetite for assets has been insatiable.  They recently purchased every pizza restaurant within 15 miles of their Mountain View campus just so they wouldn’t have to log the receipts in their expense reports.  For them not to purchase a Plink or a Picnik or the Commonwealth of Belize is either an oversight or an omen.”   Officials with Google echoed those sentiments.  Co-founder Sergey Brin, when reached via iPhone, said only, “We didn’t?  Why didn’t we buy anyone?  Where’s Larry?”