ColemanMedia Report

Officials with Department of Justice and the State of Oregon jointly confirmed late Tuesday that the Mayor of the Burgerville on SW Canyon Road, local college student Jimmy McSeamus, has been charged with 16 counts of election fraud in 9th Circuit Federal Court. According to court affidavits, the charges contend that McSeamus, who has held the Mayorship of the Beaverton, OR fast food location on Foursquare for over 6 months, illegally obtained his appointment by checking in numerous times from across the street, while walking to his day job nearby at Video Only. “We have more than enough evidence to convict McSeamus,” said Deputy District Attorney Conrad McMasters, “including GPS location data and several solid eyewitness accounts. And we intend to throw the book at him. Blagojevich may have gotten away with this one, but McSeamus is going down.” If convicted on all 16 counts, McSeamus faces up to 12 years in Federal prison, the loss of his Mayorship, and the loss of his Adventurer badge.

A study released late last week by the Center for Social (Media) Studies revealed that quasi-popular location-based social networking tool Foursquare is a “complete and total sausagefest.”  According to the report, the Foursquare user base has a nearly four-to-one male-to-female ratio, almost double the two-to-one male-to-female ratio required to officially proclaim a party a “sausagefest.”  ”Everyone was so hot on Foursquare, from marketing departments, to, well, marketing departments,” said lead researcher Just Czechtin.  ”But these findings totally killed the party.  After finding out that most of the people on Foursquare were just ad agency people trying to figure out how people use it, and 75% of those people were dudes, we expect most people to check out, and migrate over Sammy’s house party, where at least you have a chance at talking to some chicks.”

In an effort to treat his increasingly obvious addiction to broadcasting the mundane details of his life, part time Starbucks barista and full-time social media maven Rodney Pinkleberry checked in to Social Media Rehab through Foursquare Monday afternoon, according to his Foursqure, Gowalla, Facebook and Twitter feeds.  Pinkleberry admitted himself to a Santa Monica, CA facility at his own will, after finally realizing that he has a problem.  ”It didn’t really dawn on me until I ousted PickleD36 as the Mayor of 2nd handicap parking spot at Trader Joe’s in WeHo,” said Pinkleberry.  ”I had my Adventurer badge, my Explorer badge, but I knew things were getting bad when I earned my Overshare badge.  I mean, people stopped responding to my updates.  So I checked in to Rehab.  Where it’s gonna take me forever to oust LindsayL as Mayor.”

Digital location-based service and annoyingly popular social media networking tool of the moment Foursquare revealed that co-worker Skip Dangley interviewed at rival agency Dimm, Wittedt & Thicke while on his lunch break Tuesday afternoon.  Dangley, a self-professed “addict” of Foursquare and acting “Mayor” of Louie’s Sub & Pub on Pico Blvd., inadvertently revealed his lunch plans when he “checked in” to the DWT Los Angeles office.  ”When Skip left, we assumed he was running out to Louie’s to grab a hoagie,” said Dangley’s direct supervisor Jed Lewis.  ”But when I saw his post on my BlackBerry that he was ‘about to unlock the Better Job Badge at another agency,’ I knew something was up.  So we went ahead and packed up all his stuff so that when he gets back to the office he can ‘check out’ of his current job that much easier.”