ColemanMedia Report

Citing the blind faith and unwavering conviction of its tens of millions of “fanboys” around the world, Cupertino-based computer and software maker Apple announced Tuesday morning that it has filed for religious tax exemption status with the Internal Revenue Service.  The filing, considered by many to be the first step in establishing itself as a recognized religion, came on the heels of a Texas A&M study that highlighted the “slavish adoration” of Apple’s dedicated fan base.  ”It’s secretly been part of the plan all along,” said Apple founder and aging poster boy Steve Jobs.  ”Our design and advertising are so mesmerizing, that we can make somewhat deeply-flawed products, and people will still buy them like it’s their last day on earth.  When you think about it that way, it really already is a religion.  So why not take advantage of the tax breaks?   Plus, once this goes through we’ll be able to sue all those iPhone bashers for religious discrimination.  Not feeling so good about posting that video now, are you, tinywatchproductions?”

Junior graphic interface designer and self-professed Apple “Fanboy” Larry Billows is already in line to buy an Apple iPad on its Saturday, April 3rd release date, according to several co-workers at the midtown Manhattan office of Bertlebaum, Bogle & Bumblebee.  Billows, who according to several accounts has been speaking about the release for weeks, entered the line at the Apple Store on 5th Avenue on Monday and has remained there loyally ever since.  ”I honestly don’t know what Larry sees in the iPad,” said co-worker Janice Blutowski.  ”It’s like a giant iPhone without the phone, or a bigger iPod Touch.  Why someone would take five vacation days to wait in line for it when he could just order it online and get it next week is beyond me.  But to be honest, I’m glad to have him out of the office.  He’s been blabbering about it for weeks.  I think I might take Monday off just so I don’t have to be the first person he shows it off to.”