ColemanMedia Report

A study released late last week by the John J. Apathee Center for Excuses and Laziness revealed that project and campaign accountability within the advertising industry could be reduced by 37.4% – and the chance of getting fired reduced by up to 72.9% – simply by blaming one or more other parties involved in the process or project.  ”The results of this study are potentially game changing,” said lead researcher Alfred P. Nowittal.  ”Agencies can reduce their accountability 42.5% by blaming their clients for bad campaign briefs, media companies see a 28.5% reduction by blaming the agencies for RFP’s that lack detail, and marketers drop 47.3% by blaming their agencies for overburdening cost structures.  Media directors can blame ineffective creative, and creative directors can blame the media mix for dwindling audiences and framentation.”  The study found that once a full circle of blame is completed, accountability for the entire advertising industry could be redirected entirely to Joan in HR.

67-year-old Vice President of Media Operations Joel Whitmeier’s attempt to appear relevant to his younger, 20-something subordinates by asking if any of them planned to attend Saturday’s Jonas Brothers concert reportedly fell flat, according to several witness at the scene. The inquiry, which allegedly only made Whitmeier seem more out of touch, did not resonate with its intended audience. “Really? The Jonas Brothers?” said Heather Chandler, 25. “Who listens to that corn-syrupy crap? Seriously, if Joel knew anything about music, he’d know I’m busy being nostalgic about 80’s bands that I’m far too young to remember so that I get some of the creative directors’ obscure Flock of Seagulls references. It’s just pathetic when someone tries too hard to fit in.” According to Chandler, Whitmeier’s references to Ashley Tisdale and Demi Lovato fell equally flat.