ColemanMedia Report

A report released by the Center For Pretentious Trade Jargon Monday morning revealed that LBC, the acronym for “location based services” earned the honor of becoming the 7 millionth advertising acronym to be officially accepted by the larger advertising community.  The acronym, which only recently came to fruition, is used largely to confuse and belittle those in the industry who have yet to catch on to the latest flavor of the month.  ”Acronyms are an integral part of the media and marketing world,” said Leo Burnett Chief Jargon Officer Mikeal Nakovbievokov.  ”Without them, we wouldn’t be able to trick clients into buying into high CPM ROS buys that really don’t deliver a tangible ROI.  Our B2C clients would probably see right through the GRP numbers we report on our DRTV buys, and we wouldn’t be able to charge nearly as much for our OPM services.  At the EOD, we’d be SOL.  Or OOW.”

ASE Certified Mechanic Lou “Boom Boom” Damiano informed the Internet Advertising Bureau early Monday afternoon that in order to fix online display advertising, he would need to install completely new brakes, rotors, and pads, along with other “minor” repairs.  Online display advertising, which has been “making a funny sound for some time now,” according to representatives with the IAB, has been beset recently by reports of falling CPMs, dwindling creative, and an over-burdened planning process.  ”You hear that hissing sound?” said Damiano.  ”That’s probably where your CPMs are leaking out.  I can fix it no problem, but I’ll need to take the manifold apart, replace two piston seals and a head gasket.  And while I’m down there, I really should take a look at the tranny.”  Damiano estimated that he should have online display advertising up and running in two weeks, three weeks max if he has to wait for parts.

A request for proposal reportedly sent to ten Web publishers Monday afternoon unexpectedly received 273 replies to the email inbox of junior media planner Lane Meyer earlier today, according to several sources within the Los Angeles office of Krispy, Portly, & Bogus. The unanticipated responses were reportedly issued after one of the original recipients forwarded the RFP document to his buddy Sal at the ExpandoClick network. “What the hell, man?” said Meyer, looking over response #142 from TheKitchenSink.com. “I narrowed down my RFP list for a reason. I don’t need every idiot sending me a plan. I mean this campaign targets Moms with 2 or more kids in the household. What the hell do I need a 52-page proposal from Maxim for? And how the hell did all these people get my RFP!?” At the time of printing, Meyer reported that 43 sales reps had already followed up to see if they made the plan, and if not, how far they needed to come down on CPM’s to get the business.