ColemanMedia Report

A study jointly released by leading market research stalwarts Dynamic Logic and Media Supervisor Dan Resnick revealed that a 3-hour campaign by Resnick to “score chicks” at Kel’s Irish Pub Friday evening increased dating consideration and dating intent by double digits, but did not lift actual dates.  The study, which surveyed nearly 42 women in their early-to-mid twenties, found that exposure to Resnick’s pick-up lines lifted aided awareness of Resnick by 22% and dating consideration of Resnick by 4.5%.  However, according to Resnick’s calendar, the campaign produced zero actual dates.  ”I’m very pleased with the results,” said Resnick.  ”Okay, so maybe I didn’t actually get a date, but that was never my intent.  I just want girls to be aware of me and keep me top of mind.  I can’t expect my self-marketing efforts to convince people to act.  I just need to know that I changed the way people perceive me.”

The increasingly fragmented media landscape claimed yet another victim late Monday when a stray audience fragment became lodged in the keyboard of Senior Media Planner Kara Kelleher, preventing her from finishing her campaign performance report.  According to Kelleher, the fragment, identified later as the avid MMOG cross-dressing gaming segment of the highly sought after, but elusive M18-34 demographic, lodged itself underneath Kelleher’s “a” key and “caps lock” key, “totally screwing up” her engagement formula in cell L24.  ”It’s hard enough that we have to keep track of 100,000 web sites, 400 TV channels, and God knows how many mobile marketing companies,” said Kelleher.  ”But now audience fragments fall out of the freaking sky onto my desk, and make it so I can’t even finish my report, and make it seem like I’m shouting ‘aaaaaaa’ to Karen over IM.”