ColemanMedia Report

The out of office auto-responder of Director of Southwest Sales Chase Atkinson sent an email message to Junior Media Planner Jared Kleinsmith early Monday afternoon, just minutes after Kleinsmith reportedly replied to Atkinson’s meeting request earlier that morning. According to email server logs at Ogilvy & Lather, Atkinson sent a message with the subject line of “Happy New Year” at 8:43 a.m., which Kleinsmith replied to just after 1:15 p.m. Two minutes and 12 seconds later, a message with the subject line “Out of Office” was received by Kleinsmith. “Really?” said Kleinsmith. “It’s annoying enough that people send emails the very first second I get to the office after a holiday. But when they don’t even know how to turn their auto-responder off, it makes me want to punch someone. My eight-year-old brother could program that to turn off at 9:00 a.m. How does this guy still have a job?”

An email sent to Junior Media Planner Julia Levinworth Tuesday morning by Western Region Sales Director Saul Silver, expressing wishes that the email would “find [her] well,” actually found Levinworth doing well, according to eyewitnesses at the scene. The 26-year-old planner was reportedly in very good spirits around the time server logs indicate that she opened the message. “It was kind of weird,” said Levinworth. “Usually, lines like that in a sales email tend to make me roll my eyes, because I know it’s there just to butter you up for the sales pitch. But for some reason I was in a really great mood on Tuesday. I don’t know, maybe there was something in the coffee or something. I have no clue what he was trying to sell, but it was very sweet of him to wish me well. I almost felt bad deleting it instead of taking the time to reply.”

A follow-up email from ExactoClick Director of Southwest Sales Simon Dippshitz was received by the Outlook inbox of Media Director Gail Saintworthy at approximately 11:42 a.m. on Labor Day Monday, according to mail server logs at the Santa Monica offices of Butler, Shine, and Daniel Stern. The email, which inquired if Saintworthy had had a chance to review the unsolicited proposal sent at 4:52 p.m. the previous Friday, was the only non-automated email to arrive during the ubiquitously observed holiday. According to Saintworthy, who reviewed the email Tuesday morning, the email also inquired about her availability Monday afternoon to go over any questions she might have about the proposal. “Really?!” exclaimed Saintworthy. “Does it ever stop? Don’t people realize that media planners have a job to do? I mean we don’t just sit around waiting for sales people to send us half-baked ideas that we’re supposed to act on “right away.’ We have clients for that.”

Midwest Director of Sales Marty Shiftbody of AdNausea didn’t mean to step on anybody’s toes by contacting the client directly, according to a voice message left with Junior Media Planner Jody McAckerby late Tuesday morning.  Shiftbody left the voicemail 37 seconds after the client responded to his meeting request via email – copying McAckerby – and approximately 32 minutes after first reaching out to McAckerby via email, according to server logs at the Chicago office of the Phelps Agency.  ”Is this guy serious?” asked McAckerby.  ”He emails me a half hour ago while I’m in a meeting, and he’s already complaining to the client that our agency is ‘unresponsive’ and doing them a ‘disservice by not accepting his meeting requests?’  Uh, news flash, dude.  Your passive aggressive sales schtick is right there in the forwarded email.  Now it’s my turn.  Delete.”

ExasperClick Network Director of Sales Sal Bugotini works with Joey Bonaducci, and wants to schedule a time to come in and discuss how he can get some business going with you and your agency’s clients, according to a message left in your voice mail inbox early Monday morning.  According to Bugotini, Bonaducci is a “longtime pal” and has “nothing but good things to say about you,” which reportedly makes Bugotini certain that he will work very well with you.  Multiple queries to your email, contact database, and personal memory show no record of contact or evidence of existence of Joseph Bonaducci, Sal Bugotini, or ExasperClick Network, despite the unusually friendly tone of the message.  Bugotini followed up with an email suggesting that you join him and Bonaducci later this week for some cocktails to “catch up and discuss some business.”

A study released Wednesday by the Center for Mobile Media Measurement & Malfeasance revealed that with the launch of the Mo-Bile Ad Network, mobile media companies now outnumber actual mobile phone users in the United States by a margin of nearly 2-to-1.  According to the study, over 52 million mobile ad sales organizations have been launched in the last six months alone, generating more sales emails and voice mails than text messages sent by 12-17 year-olds in the last 2 years.  ”The numbers far exceeded our wildest imagination,” said research director Chip Hollenbeck.  ”There are now approximately 1.7 companies offering SMS, display and in-application mobile advertisers for every active cell phone user in the United States.  And if you work at an advertising agency, chances are they’ve already called you an average of 16.3 times this week alone.”

The keynote address for the MOMMA Global conference held last week in San Francisco was nothing but a very thinly-veiled sales pitch for the speaker’s company, according to several witnesses who attended the event.  AntEye Social Chief Marketing Officer Randall Smugfellow’s 45-minute speech reportedly focused on the growing importance of Social Media in the overall marketing mix for approximately 4 minutes before launching into a 41-minute “advertisement” for his company’s services, complete with a 32-slide PowerPoint presentation.  According to witnesses, Randall stressed how critical it was for all brands to speak with him out in the lobby to discuss next steps.  ”This is bullshit, man,” said one attendee.  ”I take a day away from the office to get some insight into my industry, and it’s nothing but another sales meeting.  I wonder when they’re gonna offer the timeshares in Boca Raton.”

HardSell Media Western Regional Sales Manager Charles Lamonica wants to kick things with your client into high gear, according to a voice mail and follow-up email sent Tuesday morning to Junior Account Coordinator Jordan Ringley.  Lamonica reportedly wants to “jump-start” the new year and the new quarter by “diving in headfirst” to some “6-figure-minumum” ad buys on his behaviorally targeted network.  According to the messages, sent within 16 minutes of each other, Lamonica feels strongly that if you test big, he’ll be able to deliver big.  ”Look,” said Lamonica in his phone message, “I’m through with these little tests.  Let’s turn things up and start spending some real dough.  The volume’s only at 3 kid, but this dial goes to eleven, you know what I mean?”  ”Did he really just make a Spinal Tap reference?” said Ringley.  ”I’m 24, I wasn’t even born when that movie came out.  Who buys into this crap anyway?”

A report by the Bell Center for Media Prognostication predicts that mobile advertising sales pitches will become 93.2% more aggressive in 2010 on the heels of three very public acquisitions of mobile ad companies AdMob, Quattro Wireless and AdMarvel by media giants such as Google and Apple.  According to the report, advertising agencies can expect a 57% increase in meeting requests, an 83% increase in “the year of Mobile is here” claims, and a 726% increase in “you’re missing the boat by not buying with us” hard sells.  ”Our comfort level with these projections is very high,” said Chuck Waterford of Bell.  ”Reckless investment of this scale in any industry tends to give sales organizations the confidence to make largely unsubstantiated claims in order to pressure buyers into buying into the hype.  Like the claim that death of the PC is near.  Come back to me with that one in 5 years.”

Western Regional Sales Director Tricia McNeedy of Adnoyance left a voice message and a follow up email at approximately 11:52 a.m. Tuesday morning, checking in to make sure you had read and received the introduction email she sent approximately 28 minutes prior.  The follow-up email, which contained a forwarded copy of the original email, reminds you of her original request to set up an in-person meeting either tomorrow or Thursday and expressed concern that you have not yet replied to her original email.  According to McNeedy, it’s important that this meeting take place in the very near future, so that she may learn about your client’s goals and objectives and so you can take advantage of some exceptional pricing discounts that won’t last long. McNeedy reportedly understands your busy schedule, and promises to only take 30-40 minutes of your time.  And if you have any further questions, she is more than willing to schedule a follow-up meeting, especially next Tuesday, when her VP of Sales is in town.