ColemanMedia Report

The keynote address for the MOMMA Global conference held last week in San Francisco was nothing but a very thinly-veiled sales pitch for the speaker’s company, according to several witnesses who attended the event.  AntEye Social Chief Marketing Officer Randall Smugfellow’s 45-minute speech reportedly focused on the growing importance of Social Media in the overall marketing mix for approximately 4 minutes before launching into a 41-minute “advertisement” for his company’s services, complete with a 32-slide PowerPoint presentation.  According to witnesses, Randall stressed how critical it was for all brands to speak with him out in the lobby to discuss next steps.  ”This is bullshit, man,” said one attendee.  ”I take a day away from the office to get some insight into my industry, and it’s nothing but another sales meeting.  I wonder when they’re gonna offer the timeshares in Boca Raton.”

A small, public funeral service for Advertising As We Know It was held Tuesday morning at the Evergreens Cemetery in Brooklyn, NY, just five days after it was officially declared dead by SocialLiscious VP of Sales Glenn Schtick at the Digital Social Maven Conference last Friday.  The service, which was attended by 120 friends, family members, and advertising interns, was described as a small, quiet, and somewhat confusing affair.  Many in attendance were still in shock that Advertising As We Know It had finally died.  ”People have been saying that Advertising As We Know It is dead for years,” said junior media planner Seth Epstein.  ”I always assumed it was just pompous ad execs trying to sound smarter than they really were.  But I guess now every time some guy in jeans and a black blazer gets up on a conference stage and makes an edgy blanket statement, we have to assume it’s true.”

A study released early Wednesday by the Center for Needless Self-Promotion and Pontification revealed that nearly 25% of advertising conference panelists actually believe the series of industry buzzwords and catch phrases that they pass off as expertise while on stage.  According to the study, one in four panelists believe that what they say is true, while three in four panelists say they regurgitate popular industry trends and sayings in an attempt to promote themselves or their companies.  ”I love being on a panel at conferences,” said Bruce Highwind, VP of Sales for ClychNine.  ”It gives me a chance to look far more important and knowledgeable than I really am, and it’s a great way put in shameless plugs for my company by giving answers that have absolutely nothing to do with the original question.  It’s also a great place for me to network and try to land my next gig.”