ColemanMedia Report

Following in the footsteps of several recent high-profile and incomprehensible re-branding announcements, annoyingly persistent ad network ExactoClick announced Monday that it is re-branding itself ExactlyClick, to more accurately reflect its ever-evolving suite of services. “We needed a brand with real staying power that really reflected what we do as a company,” said ExactlyClick CEO Joey O’Brien. “And what we do is exactly the same thing the other 400 or so networks do, so ExactlyClick was naturally a great fit. I realize we had built up zero brand equity with our previous name, but really, what new media company keeps the same name for more 2 years now anyway? Besides, it’s a great way to set new meetings with agencies who have already reviewed and rejected our proposals. We change our name, assign a new rep, and viola! We’re back in the door!”

HardSell Media Western Regional Sales Manager Charles Lamonica wants to kick things with your client into high gear, according to a voice mail and follow-up email sent Tuesday morning to Junior Account Coordinator Jordan Ringley.  Lamonica reportedly wants to “jump-start” the new year and the new quarter by “diving in headfirst” to some “6-figure-minumum” ad buys on his behaviorally targeted network.  According to the messages, sent within 16 minutes of each other, Lamonica feels strongly that if you test big, he’ll be able to deliver big.  ”Look,” said Lamonica in his phone message, “I’m through with these little tests.  Let’s turn things up and start spending some real dough.  The volume’s only at 3 kid, but this dial goes to eleven, you know what I mean?”  ”Did he really just make a Spinal Tap reference?” said Ringley.  ”I’m 24, I wasn’t even born when that movie came out.  Who buys into this crap anyway?”

A complaint lodged by Western Regional VP of Sales Vince Chillini Monday afternoon accused junior media planner Judy Wittenmeier of comparing “apples to oranges” when justifying her selection of rival behavioral ad network SpyBot over CookieCutter Networks, according witnesses at the scene.  ”You can’t possibly make a comparison between SpyBot and CookieCutter,” Chillini said in an email to Wittenmeier.  ”CookieCutter uses a proprietary formula of complex algorithms and automatic back-end optimization that’s so advanced, I don’t even know how it works.  And as far as I can tell, neither does our ad operations team.  But it’s clearly outlined on slide 26 of my PowerPoint, so it has to be true.”  Wittenmeier wasn’t available for comment, but a planner on Wittenmeier’s team, who asked to remain anonymous said, “He can’t be serious, right?”