ColemanMedia Report

A new marketing campaign from Skittles that encouraged teens in China with messages of fun and rebellion has inadvertently landed an entire generation of teens aged 13-17 in an undisclosed Chinese prison, according to officials with the Chinese government, who asked to remain anonymous.  The campaign, which urged teens to “Skittlize routine school activities,” reportedly backfired when the teens refused to turn in homework assignments on time, landing them in a state prison somewhere in the rural Xinjiang province.  Regardless, the Skittles marketing department is pleased with the results.  ”We consider this campaign a monumental success,” said Kitty Wang.  ”Our brand awareness within the target market is through the roof.  Our challenge now is that our entire target market is now in jail, and physically unable to buy our product.  And we have no word yet on when they might be let out.”

Popular Web portal and erstwhile search engine Yahoo’s $100 million, multi-platform ad campaign has netted 3 new visitors to the site since launching on September 28th, according to online audience measurement firm Hitwise.  The campaign, running in TV, print, online and outdoor, and centered around the theme “It’s You,” increased Yahoo’s monthly traffic in September to 120,000,003 unique users.  Yahoo! CEO Carol Bartz is already deeming the campaign a “huge” success.  ”The goal of this campaign was to go back to the spend first, think later days of 2000 and 2001,” said Bartz.  ”And in that respect, we’re thrilled with the results.  We’ve spent a shitload of money on an entirely forgettable campaign trying to convince people that we’re cool and different.  To get three people to actually buy into that is a tremendous achievement.  Right now we’re looking into whether or not we can get three more people by spending another $100 mil.”

Hoping to capitalize on the highly-publicized release of two American journalists, the North Korean Ministry of Tourism and Torture launched a multi-platform ad campaign late Tuesday promoting the nation-state’s scenic mountain lakes, sweeping urban vistas, and new, shorter prison terms for American and western tourists.  The campaign, executed by the Chicago office of Draft FCB, has an estimated measured media spend of $175 US dollars, and features several prominent government officials extolling the benefits of the unprecedented new travel incentives.  ”With prison terms as short as four months, now is the time to visit North Korea,” said Travel Minister Kim Il-Nana.  ”The Amnok River cruise this time of year is gorgeous, and the views of Kumgangsan from our prison transport skiff are second to none.”  According to one 30-second spot, the country will allow up to a 2-week early release for tourists willing to denounce Paramount’s Team America: World Police.