ColemanMedia Report

Twenty-six-year-old junior programmer Gary Wallace confirmed early Monday morning that the ‘Censored’ link on Craig’s List’s local Los Angeles Web site was not working properly, according to several co-workers at the Torrance office of Mediamind Over Matter. Wallace reportedly made several attempts to visit the new section at his home computer from approximately 12:30 to 2:30 a.m. Monday morning, including VPN and asymmetric backdoor queries, all unsuccessful. Attempts from the office later the same morning were also unsuccessful, according to art director Sandi Gustafson, who reportedly witnessed Wallace’s frustration in not being granted access. “Awesome,” said Gustafson. “I wonder if Gary realizes he’s trying to access the [recently closed] ‘adult services’ section from an office computer. I guess I could tell him, but it’ll waaay be more fun if HR catches him first. I mean, the first day back from Labor Day is always kind of boring. This might wake me up better than that 3rd cup of coffee.”

In a clever and daring reverse marketing strategy and a desperate attempt to steal back sliding market share, once-popular retailer The Gap revealed Monday that it has been shipping sex-crazed competitor Abercrombie & Fitch’s fall clothing line to the cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore. According to a spokesperson from the San Francisco-based clothing chain, the move is an attempt to make Abercrombie & Fitch’s clothes less desirable by association with the show. “Look, we learned a while ago that we can’t convince anyone that we’re cool anymore,” said Marka Hansen, president at The Gap. “But we can trick people into thinking our competitors aren’t cool either. And what better way to do that than outfit Snooki every time she gets arrested for public drunkenness. I mean, everyone realizes that at this point, the show is just a caricature of itself, so why not drag our competitors down with it?” Ed. Note: Senior Maternity Leave Correspondent Stephanie Felenstein contributed to this story.

A follow-up email from ExactoClick Director of Southwest Sales Simon Dippshitz was received by the Outlook inbox of Media Director Gail Saintworthy at approximately 11:42 a.m. on Labor Day Monday, according to mail server logs at the Santa Monica offices of Butler, Shine, and Daniel Stern. The email, which inquired if Saintworthy had had a chance to review the unsolicited proposal sent at 4:52 p.m. the previous Friday, was the only non-automated email to arrive during the ubiquitously observed holiday. According to Saintworthy, who reviewed the email Tuesday morning, the email also inquired about her availability Monday afternoon to go over any questions she might have about the proposal. “Really?!” exclaimed Saintworthy. “Does it ever stop? Don’t people realize that media planners have a job to do? I mean we don’t just sit around waiting for sales people to send us half-baked ideas that we’re supposed to act on “right away.’ We have clients for that.”

In an apparent move to preemptively protect their brand, increasingly empirical social network service Facebook filed a cease and desist notice in California District Court against the A-Team, temporarily prohibiting them from using the nicknames “Face” or “Faceman” in any movie sequels, TV re-runs or mall appearances. The notice, served to John “Hannibal” Smith, Templeton “Face” Peck, H.M Murdock, and B.A. Baracus, goes before an appellate judge Thursday, and is widely expected to be temporarily granted. The move reportedly did not surprise many legal experts. “It’s textbook, really,” said legal expert Hamilton Burger. “Facebook already takes great pride in unfettered ownership of their users’ privacy and online behavior, so why not take the property of anything that even remotely resembles their name, especially in the form of 80′s TV shows and horrible remakes? It makes total sense. Actually, can you strike that whole ‘textbook’ comment? I don’t want them suing me for using the word ‘book.’ Shit, scratch that last line too, would you?”