ColemanMedia Report

Junior Media Planner Josh Nubinski turned down two tickets to last week’s landmark U2 concert in Pasadena, CA because he needed to clean his bathroom and perform other household chores, according to several witnesses at the Los Angeles office of DDBM&G.  The decision surprised Janice Blayford, the Rolling Stone sales rep who offered the tickets, but not co-worker Nick Park.  ”We get asked to go out to drinks, Happy Hours, concerts, and parties like four times a day,” said Park.  ”I mean, there’s only so many nights in a row that you can go out before you start to run out of clean undies.  We’re media planners. It’s not like we have a bevy of maids and butlers who turn down our sheets, or assistants who make sure the cable bill is sent out on time.  Still, though, I probably would have taken the U2 tickets and cleaned the shower on the weekend.  I’m just sayin.”  Ed. Note: Senior Field Correspondent Andrew Lin contributed to this story.

A study jointly released by leading market research stalwarts Dynamic Logic and Media Supervisor Dan Resnick revealed that a 3-hour campaign by Resnick to “score chicks” at Kel’s Irish Pub Friday evening increased dating consideration and dating intent by double digits, but did not lift actual dates.  The study, which surveyed nearly 42 women in their early-to-mid twenties, found that exposure to Resnick’s pick-up lines lifted aided awareness of Resnick by 22% and dating consideration of Resnick by 4.5%.  However, according to Resnick’s calendar, the campaign produced zero actual dates.  ”I’m very pleased with the results,” said Resnick.  ”Okay, so maybe I didn’t actually get a date, but that was never my intent.  I just want girls to be aware of me and keep me top of mind.  I can’t expect my self-marketing efforts to convince people to act.  I just need to know that I changed the way people perceive me.”

Following the departure of Chief Innovation Officer Caroline Whitfield, former Digerati ECD Richard Dumas was promoted Tuesday to the newly-created position of Chief Rhetoric Officer of Omnicom’s SnakeOil unit, according to Tara Schwimmer of popular media blog Cap’NTechCrunch.  Under his new role, Dumas will be charged with bringing in some fresh eyes to the department, and taking a deep dive into sales operations, then circling back to break down silos with efficiencies that onboard synergistic elements into the sales team.  ”Rich should fit right into this role,” said Schwimmer.  ”He’s been blowing smoke up peoples’ asses for years using meaningless jargon and empty buzzwords.  He’s exactly what SnakeOil needs to help push the needle on developing client/agency relationships.”

The marketing sales team at the Chicago office of Foote, Cone and Mr. Belding correctly identified the sound coming from the Polycom SoundStation2 “starfish” phone in the DaVinci Room as snoring early Monday, according to officials with the Cook County Sound Institute.  The sound, which reportedly began approximately 22 minutes after the start of the weekly sales call, continued unabated for nearly 27 minutes, and registering levels as high as 61 decibels, likely originated from the San Francisco office of the ad agency.  ”While we’re still not 100% certain,” said Klaus von Hefschtietel, a sound analyst from CCSI, “We think we have narrowed the source of the sound down to Chip Langely or Ryan Tiergarten, both employees in the San Francisco office who were scheduled to be on the call.  The frequency of the oscillations and the pitch of saw pattern indicate Mr. Langely may be the source, but we cannot get the Chicago employees to stop laughing long enough to confirm or deny our suspicion.”