ColemanMedia Report

United States President Barack Obama has not yet confirmed Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s friend request on Facebook sent early last week, according to representatives of Iran’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Social Networking.  Ahmadinejad, who sent the request last Monday, has come under fire recently for reportedly blocking access to social networking sites Facebook and Twitter after his widely disputed presidential win in June.  ”Ahmadinejad gets a bad rap,” said Khemeni al Khemeni, a spokesman for Iran’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Social Networking.  ”He’s actually a very fun-loving, social guy, and very active on both Facebook and Twitter.  In fact, he’s summarily executed thousands of his own citizens for not accepting his friend requests.”  U.S. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs stated that President Obama has yet to receive Ahmadinejad’s request, largely because the Facebook Mobile app on his Blackberry has been “acting up lately.”

Director of Southwest Sales Simon Nash knows that senior media planner Dara Schlesinger is on vacation, but wants to check in to see if there is anything that he might be able to provide for her in the mean time, according to three voice messages left in Schlesinger’s voice mail inbox late last week.  According to the messages, Nash already spoke with the receptionist, and knows that Schlesinger will be out until next week, but thought he would check in just in case, and apologizes for “adding to your backlog.”  Schlesinger, who returned to the office Monday morning to over 1,300 emails and 26 voice messages, found three voice messages and 16 emails from Nash sent during her two-week vacation.  ”This is getting ridiculous,” said Schlesinger.  ”If he knew I was on vacation until the 28th, what made him think that leaving a second or third message would do anything other than annoy the hell out of me?”

The United States Department of Justice has launched a sweeping investigation into advertising agency “onboarding” practices, according to Deputy Attorney General David W. Ogden.  Ogden, speaking at a press conference in Washington D.C. early Monday, characterized “onboarding,” or the practice of briefing agency team members on new client or project assignments, as “potentially exposing employees to inhumane levels of buzzwords and industry jargon.”  ”Onboarding is the single greatest threat to the ad industry that we know of,” said Ogden.  ”Well, besides the economy, of course.  It needlessly and maliciously exposes low and mid-level employees to empty and meaningless buzzwords designed to make upper and mid-level management seem smarter than they really are.  We view this as a form of torture and will prosecute those responsible to the fullest extent of the law.”

Director of Sales Chase Lively read an article about the launch of junior media planner Julia Postlethwaite’s latest online campaign early Tuesday, and is certain that his ad network, AdNauseum, can provide Postlethwaite’s client with millions of “highly-targeted, highly engaged eyeballs” that will “definitely help her campaign beat its KPI’s.”  According to witnesses at the scene, Lively became the 25th sales representative to contact Postlethwaite since the article broke, at least 14 days into a 21-day campaign.  ”Why do people feel compelled to contact me about a campaign that already launched?” said an exasperated Postlethwaite. “I mean, the campaign launched two weeks ago.  What makes them think there’s still an opportunity!?”  Lively reportedly added that he would be happy send a proposal for any “incremental dollars” and would “prove to [Postlethwaite] just how effective his network is” if she could “just find some testing budget or cancel one of your current placements.”