ColemanMedia Report

The Center for the Misrepresentation and Distortion of Statistics reported today that the one millionth web site or online publisher claiming to be “Number 1″ for some specific audience or media segment launched in the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier to great fanfare early Monday.  According to the CMDS, Ridiculclick.com is already marketing itself as “the Number 1 site claiming to be Number 1,” despite existing in a live environment for less than 72 hours.  ”The claim seems kind of ridiculous to me,” said CMDS President Ronald P. Calliguia.  ”But since they have a sales PowerPoint claiming it, the CMDS has no choice but to blindly ratify their claim.”  The owners of SocialEZE.com, a site claiming to be the “#1 post-tweet mid-roll video distribution platform that integrates across all social networks” missed the one millionth “Number 1″ site status by approximately 17 seconds.  SocialEZE.com’s claims are still being investigated by the CMDS.

Representatives of the IT department in the Little Rock office of Klein, Barter, & Schnook confirmed reports from several co-workers that junior account planner Ryan McBrubin was caught “Twooping” at approximately 10:15 a.m. local time.  According to company log files, McBrubin posted two Twitter updates from his Blackberry Pearl while using the company restroom on the third floor.  ”We suspected for some time that McBrubin might be texting while using the restroom,” said IT manager Richard Rhindglass.  ”But when he sent two Tweets about a song playing over our intercom radio, our worst fears were confirmed.  As a company, we don’t have an official policy against Twooping, but as a person – even an IT guy – I think it’s just plain gross.  I won’t be answering Ryan’s phone if it rings, that’s for sure.”  Ed. Note: Junior Commode Correspondent Travis Volk contributed to this story.

The Center for Disease Control reported late Tuesday that the number of cases of ad rep overdose has skyrocketed this month, putting health and government officials on high alert and preparing for a potential pandemic in the online advertising industry.  According to the CDC, emergency room visits for media planners shot up 225% over July and 719% over August 2008.  ”This is an alarming trend nationwide,” said LA-USC County Hospital spokesperson Hal Hogenwinkle.  ”But locally it’s reached epidemic status.  We’ve seen media planners and buyers being admitted who have been exposed to nearly fatal levels of sales calls and emails.  Many of them can barely speak, save to scream ‘for the love of God, make it stop!’”  Officials with the CDC could not confirm the cause for the epidemic, but pointed to a 600,000% increase in sales calls and emails over the last three weeks as the probable culprit.

Jenny Williams of Exageraclick.com delivered the 16,000th cupcake to the San Francisco office of Publicist & Hal Whiney in less than one week late Tuesday, according to Tiffany, the receptionist at the front desk.  The twelve cupcakes, neatly wrapped in light purple box from Sweetiecups, were destined for the desk of Joan Radcliffe, who sent out an RFP for the Huggies account last Thursday.  According to Radcliffe, she sent out the RFP to approximately 16 publishers and has received 24 proposals, 4 bottles of wine, and exactly 16,008 cupcakes to date.  ”I’m only halfway through the proposals,” said Radcliffe, “and I think I’ve already gained like 6 pounds.  I mean, I like red velvet as much as the next person, but this is getting a little ridiculous.  Can’t someone send an assistant over?  I mean, what the hell am I gonna do with 27 boxes of Sprinkles cupcakes?  Besides, I’ve always been a Kara’s Cupcakes girl.”